Still Creating While Exhausted: Writing, Waiting, and Holding On

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about what it means to still be creating while exhausted. Not just tired, but emotionally wrung out, physically drained, and stretched thin in every direction. Today feels like one of those days where everything is heavy, and yet, somehow, I am still here, still building, still hoping.

Back at the beginning of November 2025, I started writing a novel for NaNoWriMo under my pen name, Ravyn Vale. The book is called The Burning Bride, the first planned novel in a four-book series called The Fire Court Saga. I poured myself into it and made it to 62,245 words in a short amount of time.

And then, around November 11th, I stopped.

When Progress Pauses but the Story Does Not

That pause has been weighing on me more than I like to admit. The Burning Bride is very much alive in my head, but I have not written new words for it in weeks. Knowing it is meant to be the first book in a long series makes the silence feel louder, like I am letting something important slip through my fingers.

In December, I started writing a short story called The Dragon’s Shadow. It was supposed to be small and contained, and instead, it grew teeth. It is now very clearly turning into a standalone novel, which I did not plan for but also cannot ignore.

Even though I have not been actively writing either story, I have still been writing in other ways. I have spent countless hours building RavynVale.com, creating blog posts, designing a world map, and expanding the universe behind the stories. It may not look like progress from the outside, but it is still creation. Still storytelling. Still showing up.

That truth is something I am trying to hold onto today.

Grief Does Not Stay on a Schedule

Yesterday was Chloe’s birthday, and I am still not emotionally over it. Missing her feels sharp today. I miss her voice in the house, her presence, and the way time felt different when she was nearby. I cannot wait to see her this summer, but the waiting hurts.

There is also another presence missing from my daily life, and that is my cat, Winter. She is a Siamese rescue I adopted from the Cleveland Animal Protective League two years ago, and she has always been my emotional anchor. Winter somehow always knows when I am sad, anxious, or overwhelmed, and she never hesitates to curl up beside me when I need comfort.

When we moved into my partner’s mother’s boyfriend’s basement, we were not allowed to bring her with us. She is currently living with my partner’s aunt, about 35 minutes away. With money being as tight as it is, we do not go many places beyond work, school, and doctor appointments. Gas is too expensive to justify extra trips, and I do not get to see her nearly as often as I need to.

I miss her more than I can put into words.

Waiting for a Way Out

We still have not heard anything about the place we applied for. We know the landlord saw the application, but the silence is unbearable. I am hoping so hard that we get approved.

Living here is loud in all the wrong ways. The yelling and arguing between my partner’s mom and her boyfriend scare the kids and send my anxiety spiraling beyond manageable levels. We need our own space. We need quiet. We need safety that does not feel temporary.

The waiting is exhausting in a way that seeps into everything else.

Parenting, Pressure, and Feeling Like I Am Failing

Today, I am physically and emotionally exhausted. There is no softer way to say it.

Raelynn’s attitude has been relentless, and now there is the added tension from my fourteen-year-old, who is angry and hurting because her mom will not talk to her. I am absorbing everyone’s emotions while trying to hold myself together, and I am running out of energy to do it gracefully.

On top of that, I still cannot find a job that fits my reality. My health limits what I can do, and I feel like a failure because I cannot contribute financially the way our family needs right now. The pressure sits heavy on my chest.

I have been thinking about setting up a GitHub account and building plugins and sites to showcase my coding skills for potential employers. I know it could help. I just do not have the energy to start yet, and that frustrates me almost as much as the situation itself.

Creating Through Uncertainty

Later this month, I have surgery scheduled to implant a device that will monitor my pH levels to determine whether I have true acid reflux or something else going on entirely. Once we have answers, I will find out if surgery to repair a hiatal hernia could finally end the chronic heartburn I have lived with for years.

I am nervous. About the procedure. About the possibility of another surgery. But I am also hopeful that this could mean fewer medications and less daily discomfort.

Right now, everything feels unfinished. Stories paused. Homes uncertain. Emotions unresolved. And yet, I am still here, still creating while exhausted, even if the creation looks different than I planned.

Question:

What is something you are still quietly creating or holding onto, even when you feel too tired to keep going?