When Stress Comes From Every Direction and You’re Still Standing

Yesterday was okay-ish.

Not good. Not terrible. Just… okay-ish. The kind of day where nothing explodes, but nothing feels calm either. The kind of day where you realize when stress comes from every direction, even small things feel amplified.

We got one full day without his mom popping up, criticizing, or demanding anything.

That peace lasted exactly 24 hours.

The Text Message Drama That Wasn’t My Fault

Apparently my partner had asked his mom to borrow $30. Instead of just handling that conversation with him, she texted me about it. Then she told me not to tell him she had said anything to me.

That alone was enough to make my eye twitch.

But then she claimed she had texted me two more times and that I ignored her.

I didn’t ignore her. Those messages never came through.

So when she texted him asking why I wasn’t responding, he asked me what she was talking about. I showed him the one and only message I received. That turned into an argument between the two of them, and the rest of the evening was tense.

Today is payday. And I already know that means round two.

This is what it feels like when stress comes from every direction. Even thirty dollars becomes a power play.

The One Thing I’m Actually Proud Of

In the middle of all of that, I did something that reminded me I am capable.

I worked on my Harry Potter ProBoards project.

I started building a House Points plugin system with a live updating scoreboard. It calculates total points across four specific groups. It also includes a page called “House Cup Race” that shows all positive points a user earns, what they earned them for, and who awarded them.

And it works. It actually works as I specifically intended for it to work.

I have been trying to build something like this for years that integrates cleanly with ProBoards.

And I finally did it.

I even started using my real GitHub account to showcase my projects instead of letting them just live on my computer. Maybe if I treat my coding like a portfolio instead of a hobby, someone will see it.

Maybe I can land that remote job and code for a living. Then I can stop feeling like I am constantly scrambling.

That small win mattered more than I can explain.

The Appointment I Completely Missed

Then there’s the part that hit me yesterday morning like a brick.

I missed my cardiac MRI on the 14th. Completely. That was the day I did my full grocery shopping trip. I had made a spreadsheet of all the items I needed from the grocery store and then priced them out at 5 different stores to determine where I was going to buy each thing. I ended up going to all five stores and it took about three and a half hours.

My cardiologist ordered that specific MRI to check for scarring on my heart. They are trying to decide whether to add medication for my PVCs or schedule an ablation procedure to burn the part of my heart causing the extra beats.

I do not want that procedure because I would have to be awake.

I had a heart cath last month and was awake for that too; I felt everything, remember everything. They did not listen when I said it hurt. It was traumatizing.

The idea of being awake again while they work inside my heart makes my stomach drop.

I need to reschedule the MRI and mentally prepare myself for whatever it shows.

This is what it feels like when stress comes from every direction. Family drama. Financial strain. Career uncertainty. And the constant background hum of your own body not cooperating.

Trying to Stay On Top of Something

I have not done much gaming lately.

Instead, I have been forcing myself to stay on top of the house. Dishes done every night. Toys picked up before bedtime. The four year old cannot be left with accessible toys at night or she will stay up until dawn building her own tiny empire.

Control what you can, right?

I searched for jobs again yesterday. Nothing, per usual.

Not one listing that fits what I realistically need. Remote. Flexible. No phones. Something that understands I am a mom first and still ambitious.

I am so tired of asking for help and for money being a stressor in my life. Not to mention being so tired of feeling like I am contributing emotionally, mentally, and physically, but not financially.

My anxiety is through the rough. And yet, here I am. Still coding, cleaning, trying, and still standing. Even when stress is coming from every direction.

Question:

When stress feels like it’s hitting you from every direction, what helps you feel even a little bit grounded?