Life Transitions
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Feeling Pushed to My Limit While the Snow Keeps Falling
As predicted in yesterday’s post, When Stress Comes From Every Direction and You’re Still Standing, I woke up feeling pushed to my limit. Round two of the texting drama started. Apparently my partner committed two unforgivable offenses: Let’s start with the obvious. The man works from 4 pm until 6 or sometimes 7 am, Monday through Friday. He works nights. He comes home when most people are making coffee. Of course he sleeps during the day. The expectation that he should be awake and available to respond instantly to texts is unrealistic. Second, we are not setting up auto deposits into a bank account we have no access to. We…
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Trying to Build a Life of Our Own
Trying to Build a Life of Our Own Without Feeling Watched We finally got internet yesterday, and I did not realize how much I missed it until it was back. It sounds dramatic, but getting connected again felt like another small step toward trying to build a life of our own. Not in someone’s basement. Not under someone’s rules. Just… ours. I caught up on Monday Night Raw. I watched a few episodes of Supernatural. The toddler got her Bluey back. During the day she mostly lets it run in the background while she tears through the house playing, narrating her own little world. But still, the familiarity of it…
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Apartment Maintenance Issues and Real Life
Last night was rough, and apartment maintenance issues and real life made sure I knew it. I slept on my daughter’s twin mattress on the floor in the four year old’s room again, and I am officially too old for that. The second I laid down with her, she was out cold. I was not. My back, my hips, and my entire body were painfully aware that floor level sleep is not for me anymore. Apartment Maintenance Issues and the Toilet Surprise We found our first major problem Sunday night, and it was not subtle. When the teenager flushed the main bathroom toilet, water came pouring out of the tank…
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Our First Night in Our New Place
Yesterday was everything I hoped it would be. We finished moving before dark and before the rain and snow rolled in, which honestly felt like divine timing. Two trips with the U Haul. Two more with our SUV. Lifting, unloading, reorganizing, and pushing through pure exhaustion. By the time we shut the door behind us, we were officially home, and our first night in our new place was finally here. I do not think I exhaled fully until that moment. A Birthday That Ended in Chipotle We barely stopped moving long enough to breathe, let alone eat. As a birthday treat, my partner’s mom bought us Chipotle, which was a…
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Moving Into Our New Place
Today is my birthday. I am 39 years old, and we are officially moving into our new place. I do not think I could have asked for a better birthday gift than this. Stability. Space. A door that closes and belongs to us. Yesterday went better than I ever expected. The Facebook Marketplace Miracle We met the woman from Facebook Marketplace, and she was real. Not a scam. Not a weird situation. Just a genuinely kind human being. She is close to our age and has dual citizenship in the United States and Europe. She is moving back to Rome, Italy. Most of her friends are there, and even though…
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Getting Ready to Move
Today feels different. There is an energy in the air because we are officially getting ready to move, and it no longer feels like a distant possibility. It feels real. Tomorrow is move-in day. After months in this basement and all the tension that has come with it, the idea of leaving feels like breathing again. I did not realize exactly how heavy this space has felt until we started packing it up. Meeting the Facebook Marketplace Lady Part of getting ready to move today includes meeting the woman from Facebook Marketplace who offered to donate a bunch of items to us. We are going to inventory everything and figure…
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Things Are Starting to Look Up
Apart from the controlling aspect of yesterday with how to dress, what to wear, and how to present ourselves, the day actually turned out to be a good one. After everything we have been through, it feels strange to say this, but things are starting to look up. We met with the landlord for the place we applied to and finally got to see it in person. The pictures truly did not do it justice. It is a three bedroom, two full bathroom apartment with a big living room, a decent sized dining room, and a small but functional kitchen. The kitchen actually has cabinet space, which is something our…
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Trying to Stay Calm While Everything Is on the Line
Welp. Today is the day. The day we finally get to tour the place we applied for and meet the guy who owns it. I woke up already tense, because trying to stay calm while everything is on the line feels nearly impossible right now. Of course, it can’t just be a simple “show up and be ourselves” situation. My partner’s mom has turned it into a whole production. She’s telling us how to dress, what to wear, making my partner shave his beard, all of it. Like we’re auditioning for something instead of just trying to find a place to live. Then came the part that really set me…
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Waiting for Answers Without Breaking
Waiting for Answers Without Breaking: It’s Harder Than You Thank Today is January 5th, and we are still sitting here waiting. Waiting to hear if we got the place. Waiting for a call, a text, anything that tells us what happens next. At this point, waiting for answers without breaking feels like its own full-time job. What makes it harder is that the landlord was so confident he wanted us moved in by today. January 5th. And yet, here we are, with no approval, no denial, just silence. My partner’s mom is handling the communication, and she plans to reach out this afternoon to see where things stand. I’m grateful…
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Living Grateful and Traumatized
Living Grateful and Traumatized at the Same Time It’s Sunday, but it feels like every other day since we’ve been here, and that sameness is starting to wear on me in ways I don’t know how to fix. Sundays are supposed to feel quieter, slower, maybe even a little safer, but instead I’m stuck living grateful and traumatized at the same time. Today doesn’t feel restful at all. It just feels heavy. My partner’s mom is off work, which means her boyfriend is also home. That also means the arguing has already started, and none of it is actually about today. It’s about the past. Years and years ago. And…
